Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
