I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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