i love accidental penises.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
