I accidentally burped into my bong.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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