The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
