i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
