Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
