Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
