My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
