Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
