I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
