haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
