i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When are your genitals available?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
