what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
