No awkward lesbian experiences without me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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