If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
