4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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