I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
