I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
