There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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