I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
