This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
