I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
