I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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