Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish they made helmets for livers.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
