I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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