I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
