His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
