i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
