I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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