Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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