My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize