bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
