i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
