The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize