Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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