Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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