erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
