Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize