Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize