I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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