the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
