Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
