i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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