If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
