So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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