Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
