some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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