I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is my gift to your gina
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
