dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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