i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
