It's Friday. Sex?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
