well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
