He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
