it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
