i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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