he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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