I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize