just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
