Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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