oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
