I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
