just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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