im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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