I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
