I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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