Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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