Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
