Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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