Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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