I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
