ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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