Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
