so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
