So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
