your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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