lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
