i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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