I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
