There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
