you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
