The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
this is an emotional support booty call
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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