I can tuck mytits in my pants
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
