wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
