I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
