I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
