i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ttyl tear gas
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
