Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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