Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
