i don't plan on having that self control this summer
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
