return my video game
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
