I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize