So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
