Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize