Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
