her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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