I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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