I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
