omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
