apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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