Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize