Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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